I realize that I will probably get a lot of hate comments for writing this piece, but it has come to a point that certain things must be said.
Interracial couples have suffered ignorance, harsh jokes, backstabbing, and cruelty all because they want to be together. It is 2010, this intolerance is no longer acceptable.
The Social Taboos to Interracial Dating in America for African Americans: My Story
When I was 18 years old, I made the decision to date a white man. This was not received well by my family or close friends. I received ridicule to my face and behind my back. I was talked about so much that an older black gentlemen, who I met at a mutual friends house, had the nerve to tell me (within minutes of meeting me) that black people should not date whites. Apparently, he knew who I was before being introduced to me. He went on to lecture me about why interracial dating was wrong. Being raised to respect my elders, I kept my composure and let him talk. Sufficed to say this was humiliating and I was truly hurt. Yes, I was hurt by his audacity, but I was more hurt because I know who had told him all of my business. This person who was so callous into talking behind my back was considered a close friend. She apologized after the occurrence, but sufficed to say I did not speak to her again for months.
This is not all; I had an uncle who made it clear to me that dating a white man was not acceptable. My mother said she wouldn’t date a white man, but that was because she was ole school. She was more concerned about the age difference (my boyfriend at the time was 27 years old). The man I was dating at the time was afraid to tell his father about me. Other than being black, I don’t have any other details as to what his father’s issue was. I’m not sure if he didn’t like other races or if he had a problem with interracial dating. After six months, we broke up because this guy turned out to be a real jerk. Point is that I was left scarred for life by this experience. Not only was my heart broken from the break-up, I became afraid to date outside of my race again because of this ignorant drama.
What I always found odd about my experience is that my white friends were more supportive than my black friends and family. Now that I have exposed myself, lets tackle some issues of interracial dating.
The Social Taboos to Interracial Dating in America for African Americans: Lets Show Some Class
As Americans we all have the right to have our own opinions. However, it is not right to cause mental and physical anguish to others because of our personal preferences. If you prefer to date within your race, then that’s fine, you have every legal right to feel that way. However, it is not appropriate for you to hurt others because of your personal preferences. All you are doing is hurting the people who love and admire you. People fall in love because of who the person is, not because of what color they are. Although, there are some people who would argue that point because of how they see the world.
The Social Taboos to Interracial Dating in America for African Americans: Black Women, Maybe it is Time to Let it Go
I can’t tell you how many times I have read, been at a party/public event, or hair salon without hearing how a famous and rich black man got involved with a white woman. I hear the hatred and resentment oozing from black women’s mouths, like beasts from the underground. Whether a man wants a woman for who she is or because of the fact that she is white, it is time for sisters to let their resentment go.
Sistas, your resentment is hurting you, not them. I can’t put it any plainer than that. Men who are with white women don’t care what you think. If they did care, they would no longer be with them. Black men are with them because they want to be. Black women make themselves look bad when they give the evil eye to a black man and white woman in a grocery store. Don’t you realize that you are confirming the ignorant belief that black women are hard, obnoxious, and mean spirited?
The Social Taboos to Interracial Dating in America for African Americans: Hypocritical Black Men, the Double Standard Must Go
Just because you’re a man and I am a woman doesn’t give you the right to dictate what I can do. Black women can’t date a white man because it’s supposedly wrong, but you’re the first one to sneak around with a white woman in the bushes.
I knew a black woman a few years ago who was in her early 90’s. She told me about a black man that she worked with at a New England post office. This black man’s father was part of some civil rights revolutionary movement in the 40s. Because of that fact, this black male postal worker felt compelled to walk around with pious airs and graces and ideas on how black women should be. One night in a city park, the police caught this man having sex in the back of a truck with a white woman. Incapable of living with his own hypocrisy, he shot himself. Enough said.
The Social Taboos to Interracial Dating in America for African Americans: Trans Atlantic Slave Trade
As an African American my heart will always cry until the day I die for our fallen brothers and sisters during slavery. Black men were castrated, beaten, and tortured just for the fact that they were black. Black women were subjected to rape, beatings, and medical ill treatment after they gave birth. I know this might be hard for some of my brothers and sisters to read, but the truth is, we can’t do anything about it, now.
Money, apologies, and museums will never make up for what happened. Another hard fact is that today’s white people were not responsible for the Trans Atlantic Slave Trade. There are some black leaders who will say, “Right, they didn’t do it. But, they reap the benefits of it and they have a responsibility to make it right.” Okay, lets take a look at this from another perspective.
A woman makes a living by getting pregnant multiple times to be on welfare (free money without labor). Welfare funds come out of the pockets of hard working taxpayers. Taxpayers did not make the decision to have a child they could not afford, but held responsible to pay for the mistakes or cunning plans of others. The only benefit taxpayers reap from this situation is that these welfare families do not enter the workforce. This is a benefit because there are barely enough jobs to go around as it is. Now, is this fair? I don’t know about you, but I work hard for my money. I get sick every time I think about a piece of my pay check going to someone else who just laid around getting pregnant.
Another fact is that African Americans don’t hold African tribes responsible for the slave trade. Any black person knows that the African tribes of the past, sold prisoners of war (black tribes that were captured by the victorious tribe) to colonist. However, we don’t berate African Americans when they decide to date someone straight from Africa.
Some of you are probably wondering why is the Trans Atlantic Slave Trade being brought up in an article about interracial dating. Some African Americans use the slave trade as an excuse as to why blacks should not date outside of their race. Like I mentioned above, there is nothing we can do about the injustices of slavery that occurred in the past. It is not fair to keep trying to hold the Caucasians of the present responsible for something they had nothing to do. Lets take this energy and fight the racial injustices that are occurring in the present.
The Social Taboos to Interracial Dating in America for African Americans: The Bottom Line
Whether you approve or disapprove of someone dating outside of the black race, the truth is that it’s none of your business. As long as an interracial couple does not pose a violent threat to the community then they have every right to be together.
For the past 70 years we have fought Caucasians for justice, racial tolerance, and equality. Black people want a life of freedom and to live life without unnecessary and vicious hassles for being black. However, we as African Americans show racial intolerance to our own black men and women when they chose to date outside of the race. This is hypocrisy! How can we expect Caucasians to show racial tolerance to us, when we can’t show it ourselves in regards to interracial dating?
Now, some of you will read this and think I am not a true black in my soul or that I have been brain washed by the subliminal seduction of the white media. No, I am a black woman that is tired of ignorant, mean spirited, and unnecessary B.S. from my own people.
Just for the record, I haven’t dated a white man in nine years because of my fear. Truth is, I find both races of men extremely attractive. My fear of my own people’s verbal abuse has held me back because I was desperate to be considered a real sista in their eyes. This editorial is not meant to hurt my people, but to expose the hypocrisy within us concerning interracial dating. If we know better, then maybe we can act better.